Silver.
10 lb. 11 oz. Sumo wrestler's born.
Russian women wont stop pinching my cheeks
I turn 6 and am gifted piano lessons
little fingers push keys. Always being pushed.
For my 10th Birthday I receive a leotard
Get a silver in gymanstics. Not gold.
Russian women wont stop pinching my cheeks
I turn 6 and am gifted piano lessons
little fingers push keys. Always being pushed.
For my 10th Birthday I receive a leotard
Get a silver in gymanstics. Not gold.
my 12th birthday present is thpeech therapy
Russian's pronounce words better than me
For my 16th birthday I get a brand new nose.
Family picture looks better that way
My 20th Birthday I meet Andrew Mark Wildstein
Get a treasure who loves sumo wrestlers
He doesn't think I could get any better
My 21st birthday he gifts a silver necklace
saying he didn't know if I prefer gold
I'm actually more a silver girl.
I enjoyed reading this poem. I think that the idea of feeling misplaced, or not good enough is one that is really important to write about. My favorite parts are, "Three choices: doctor, lawyer, or engineer," it really shows how limited some's options are, solely based parents, or role models expectations. And I really like the repeating nose lines, like, "nose stands in the way," and then, "Nose is still large."
ReplyDeleteI think that you could have used more imagery, and made some of the lines clearer, to make the poem more powerful. Good job!
I find this poem extremely interesting. It is an interesting take on dealing with the pressures that society or parents can impose. If I understand correctly, I would assume the nose to represent being Jewish and the stereotype of having a large nose although I am not positive. I guess at the end, there is a nose job - maybe? So I'm a little unclear and maybe there is a way to produce some clarity. Additionally I think the all-too obvious personification of the Nose with the line "he" is awkward and perhaps unnecessary. I find this poem to be thought provoking and filled with real emotion. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGreat great poem about mom and daughter and the tensions in that relationship. I like the recurring nose and the Russian cultural references thrown in- "carova", etc- it lends a very authentic feel. I think a lot could be gained by adding more and separating this poem into short stanzas so we could focus on each stage of growth. I like the nose present throughout and nose job at the end- ties it up nicely. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautifully tragic poem. I love the cultural references-- like Yael said, it makes the poem more authentic. I would omit the "Russian princess" reference at the beginning and insert more references to Russian culture and language to draw the reader a picture of a "russian princess"-- you can trust your readers to understand and appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThis poem really strikes a chord with me. Everyone feels out of place and pressured to become like everyone else, and I think you say it perfectly with the idea of a Russian princess playing the piano. It really brings the emotion heavily and makes the poem really powerful. Great job Rachel!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is very powerful. You might want to consider breaking it up into different stanzas to make it a bit more clear. good job!
ReplyDeleteI read this poem a few times trying to figure out where it lost me, and I think now it is this line "He grows longer despite her truth." The personification of the nose seems random, and it threw me reading the poem. I thought first there was another character, then I wondered why the nose was being personified--does it have a mind of its own? But reading on, I found no further reference that would explain the nose coming to life. The idea seems to get dropped right after being mentioned.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that part was supposed to connect the poem to Pinocchio, but since there is no reference to the moral part of that story (knows grows when he lies), it seemed superfluous.
So now, I am thinking this is a poem about a young girl, I am guessing Russian, who is not a real princess but is a princess in her and her parents' eyes, like so many young girls, except she is embarrassed by her nose, which is, I guess, longer than normal.
The last part suggests that maybe she had plastic surgery to address it, but it gets rushed over very quickly.
The last line seems really hasty, as if thrown in to finish the poem quickly. I think you need to rethink the ending. It just seems rather flat and sudden. And why is the surgery a "test"? That confused me. What would nose surgery test in a person?
I also think that, if this poem is about someone's hang up with how her nose appears, then you should probably just focus on that. This line made the poem suddenly seem to be about body size, which is a different topic. It's probably best to stay focused in such a short poem: "Leotards are meant for a skini [spelling] girl."
In general, maybe slow down, take your time and try to think about how to relate the Pinocchio story to this more. This seems like it wanted to be a character poem, but Pinocchio gets lost and there isn't much about him. Character poems require sustained and more detailed reference to their subjects. Good luck!