of Molly and Monsters
I hide beneath your red crimson sweatshirt
The one you were always too shy to wear
Dog finds me out after everyone leaves
you are the all-star of your family
I'll trade post its for paper, you'll see
think I just reek? that a socks job not me
Dog finds me out after everyone leaves
you are the all-star of your family
I'll trade post its for paper, you'll see
think I just reek? that a socks job not me
I am a different type of monster
Mothers always pushed you to eat your greens
Mothers always pushed you to eat your greens
Guess you just took that a little too far
all flavors tempting you to break your swear
how dare you, an unrighteous affair
I am a different type of monster
how dare you, an unrighteous affair
I am a different type of monster
We’re heading off to NYU in September
first you made honor roll then honored me
once with me that 4.0 falls to a 3
once with me that 4.0 falls to a 3
Grades smashed. I’ve stolen neuronal power
I don't tip toe to your mattress and "boo"
Trepidation of reflection comes soon
Trepidation of reflection comes soon
I am a different type of monster
Ill make your nights more sacred than any cathedral
make your days long so that you long for me
Your mom will see your transcript, dial a call
you shove me under a red, worn sweater
so disappointed in how low you have fall
lets face it, days and were back together
loved diet sprite but now you like it dirty
I am a different type of monster
loved diet sprite but now you like it dirty
I am a different type of monster
Jane has become such a good friend to you
Know what I do? Make you monster too
Mom, dad, and brother are so scared for you
They put you in a home with no closets
but I already converted you, Annie
call me crack because Iv'e got you cracked
I am a different type of monster
call me crack because Iv'e got you cracked
I am a different type of monster
I made you love all different monsters
Wasn’t so grand but introduced you to them
Why do you have to go to graduate school?
When I make every dream of yours true
You can be anything you want with me
all-star, but also a college girl too
I am a different type of monster
Why do you have to go to graduate school?
When I make every dream of yours true
You can be anything you want with me
all-star, but also a college girl too
I am a different type of monster
I can affect those who don’t have me too
Just by changing every part of you
Mom no longer encourages greens for you
All she wants is her Annie to make due.
Held Mary's hand, Molly befriended too
Holy water been traded for holy smokes
baptized you, getting close to heaven soon
pope and opiates are just scrambled words- like you
One too many needles, your morning brew
Holy water been traded for holy smokes
baptized you, getting close to heaven soon
pope and opiates are just scrambled words- like you
One too many needles, your morning brew
Newsflash mom, the monsters have won. Boo.
This poem has a lot of positive aspects to it. For one, the length of it is really impressive, and within it, there are some really good parts. I like how you repeat the line, "I am a different kind of monster." Although we usually think of monsters as scary creatures that hide under the bed, you made this thing a monster as well: this thing being drugs. At first, I wasn't sure what the monster was, but after reading it over once more, I stumbled upon certain lines that gave it away to me. For example, "Jane stole Mary; Molly befriended her too." I think I also saw the word "gateway," in there. The one thing that I would suggest is to talk about how this drug makes this person feel, physically. It was hard for me to grasp onto a concrete image of how it is a monster. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really emotional and haunting poem. The repetition of the last line works because it creates a continuous development of the speaker in a contiguous way. The tone is forceful and the voice is patient, which gave the poem a kind of character. I will say that I was a bit confused by the last stanza-- who are these characters? Is Molly important to the poem? Is Jane? I would be interested to see how the poem would look if there were only 3 characters: the speaker, the "haunted" student, and the mother.
ReplyDeleteI would like to discuss this poem in workshop, if you think it's a good idea. I will email you about it. I don't want to comment here because I think it will be helpful to see how others read this poem, since you already told me the underlying meaning.
ReplyDeleteOnce I understood what the poem was about, I thought it was really great and saw the hints as completely giving it away. I like that the tone is essentially a positive one while also being terrifying because the narrator is the drug. Its like anything thats bad for you, it somehow makes all the negative aspects seem tantalizing. Really great job!
ReplyDeleteRachel, this is so powerful. So, confession, I'm not so educated on this stuff so I didn't get all of the individual references, but I can tell you effectively weaved them into this edgy, whimsical cautionary tale. Writing from the drug's point of view is so creative: at some points I thought it was an abusive boyfriend, which actually makes sense with the character that's been made out of this drug
ReplyDeleteThe specificity in the descriptions draws a really clear picture: red crimson sweatshirt, NYU, red worn sweater, loved diet sprite, piece of raw penne.
Another thing that makes the drug so believable is the comfort level it has throwing around these terms:
"I'll trade post its for paper, you'll see"
"Guess you just took that a little too far"
"loved diety sprite but now you like it dirty"
"call me crack because I've got you cracked"
"holy water been traded for holy smokes"
"pope and opiates are just scrambled words - like you"
"one too many needles, your morning brew"
This kind of sassiness gives the whole poem an experiential quality, we as the readers can almost feel the influence of the drugs because it's really manipulative! It's confident and blunt and direct - it's really playing with her mind and ours too.
A few places can cut some extra words, like:
stanza 2 line 2: can take out the "just"
(I like the addition of that next line in place of the d.a.r.e line!)
stanza 3 line 3: I think you can take out the "once with me" because you already wrote in the line before "then honored me" so maybe change it to something like "so that" or "where that" or "together that"
stanza 4 line 2: can take out the extra "that"
stanza 4 line 5: can take out the "so" (you don't have to though, your call)
stanza 5 line 5: can take out the "but", it makes it stronger
etc. It's a hard balance because the writing is so strong with the casual voice which feeds off those words, but I think some lines make a stronger punch without the little words when they can be avoided.
This is smart, funny, and really well done!!
We went over this is class and agreed with a lot of what was said. Overall, I think you did a good job of characterizing this drug as a scary childhood monster. Ill reiterate what I said in class for a moment: You really walked a nice balance of detail with description here and leaving some stuff up to interpretation. In a way, that makes the monster even scarier because we have to construct what it is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have this humorous side to a lot of the description which emphasis the "Creepy clown thing." for example: You can be anything you want with me
all-star, but also a college girl too." - this is so normal sounding, but its actually quite sinister.
Lines I would change: "I bent your mind like a piece of raw penne" - Raw Pasta is generally hard. Therefore it is unlikely to bend at all, but rather snap. So you should either change the word "Bend" to "Break" or "Crack" or change the word "Raw" to "Al dente" or something.
Overall, great job
Firstly, I like how you right away identify that the is a "different kind of monster" - implying that its not your typical monster at the end of every stanza. It really strengthens the poem and makes it unique.
ReplyDeleteSome suggestions:
"Mothers always pushed you to eat your greens"- I think this should be "Mother" if its talking about "you"
technical- there is an inconsistency , some words are capitalized when they start the sentence and some aren't. Maybe keep that consistent.
I also see some rhyming going on, was that intentional? And do you intend for the rhyme to be sporadic or are they calculated?
"all-star, but also a college girl too" - maybe change to "all-star, and a college girl too" to tighten it up
Also there are random periods throughout, I think decide whether you want to punctuate or not.
Overall, great poem & deep!